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[Jun. 30th, 2009|03:37 pm] |
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I'll insert this dexdrive in to my serial port and run dexter... Ah.. Harder! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2009|06:09 pm] |
I swear to god when I get old and I can't comprehend new video games anymore, I assure you that Valkyrie Profile is one of those games that I'll play over and over again.
That is all.
Man this game is the best. I think it's beaten Wild ARMs for me.
EDIT: This game's OST has been known to induce orgasm. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2009|12:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
Oh man. This album rules. Time travel has always fascinated me and this is one of the most interesting takes on it that I've ever had the pleasure to experience. The lyrics are a damned good example of a realistic reaction to a time traveling experience to the future! It's been a huge inspiration to all my current efforts. It's so uplifting. I needed to hear it.
Yours Truly 2095 has to be my favorite song right now. It reminds me a lot of Project122, although she's not a robot. "I met a girl a lot like you. She does the things you do, but she is an IBM"
These are my first steps in to progressive rock and so far I'm enchanted. I found out that Motoi Sakuraba had a progressive rock band. I've been lax on finding all the info on that one, but I'm totally interested.
Anyone around have a progressive rock band to recommend?
Anywho.
Nickel is such a strange thing to be allergic to! I've been allergic to it for years, but it's such a frustrating allergy. Makes me thankful that they make things like glasses and piercings hypoallergenic. I did a ghetto fix on my bra with safety pins once and jesus.... The rash I had until I eventually replaced that bra.
Yesterday I managed to acquire a ram figurine from the Toys R Us that is anatomically correct, but the thing is that the balls are absolutely enormous! Like they're so big I thought it was a figure of a sheep heavy with milk, no no, just testicles. I had to have it. I'm so immature I giggled forever. I need to stay away from Toys R Us or I'll come home with more toys that have huge penises. They have unicorn figures with wieners as well as giraffes. In my ceramics class back in high school I used to make all my sculptures anatomically correct because I could get away with it, and due to the furry fandom and my own art exploits I'm well acquainted with the anatomy of animal genitalia. Joy of Joys! Don't get the wrong idea though. I'm weird enough without being attracted to animals.
My greatest aspiration is to have a robot girlfriend. I will build her myself. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 16th, 2009|02:56 pm] |
So what's up, faggots? <3 Delicious success on my part still yet. I'm getting everything together that I should have a long time ago and not everything seems so impossible anymore. So instead of seeing everything in that long tunnel of someday... It's a lot more about what I can do today to make it happen all that much sooner.
Conceivable dates! Lists n such. I've been organizing myself to pull out of this cycle of not knowing what the fuck to do. I have a bad habit of not doing anything if I don't know how. I'm really nervous about losing all of my free time, but I know in the long run it'll have to make me happier. When I'll be able to hold something of my own in my hands. When I'll be able to rise above this place and the women who fester in it.
I've lived in constant filth for so many years that I... just didn't know the difference. There's a sickness that just permeates in the area and I really can't subject myself to it anymore. It's not my responsibility to fix it, only to rise above it. Those that live here and support me also have this ability. So many barriers all fabricated by the mind... My own and my family. You wouldn't believe the shit I've been afraid of for so long.
I don't have many years to my name so far. I should probably do what I need to now before the years cement a harder case of paranoia on me. I'm already a bit neurotic and unable to accept certain things unless I really try. I'm also emotionally inept. It's hard...but that's ok. I'm glad I'm able to realize any of this at all. I'm so very thankful for my ability to recognize such a sickness and the motivation to go on.
My mother is a very mentally ill person and she's cultivated a very mentally ill family to go with it. My family has always excluded me because I'm weird to them, at first it was the age gaps which kept them from ever really communicating with me. I think this was a blessing in disguise.
I was left alone a lot. My family never made me do homework, they made me go to school just so they wouldn't go to jail. If I was interested in something which required effort on their part then I was discouraged from going for it. I was always told that I couldn't do it or that I wasn't responsible enough. This was things like sports or after school programs. So instead I bummed around with my friends. The only person in the family who paid attention to me was my older sister, Emily. Oh my god did I wish she never did.
I'm the baby in the family of two siblings, my mom, and dad. Sissy is 16 years or so older while Emily is only 5 years older than me. When I say Emily paid attention to me... I don't mean she was caring. Since I was the baby of the family she automatically blamed me for her neglect. As long as I can remember she used to always say awful things to me. She used to tell me that the day I came home from the hospital is the day Mom's life ended. Shit like that all the time.
The neglect on my part really came when I was 10-11. Dad cheated on mom and Mom went completely insane. There wasn't a day where she wasn't completely drunk. Some days the house was completely destroyed, others she just walked around muttering to herself. Sometimes she'd try to clean something, but end up throwing everything everywhere while screaming at us that it's our fault that Dad doesn't love her.
She was always partially or completely naked, even on her period. So she'd trail period blood everywhere. One morning I thought she had died, because I found her sprawled out on the bathroom floor and unconscious. Nope... She just passed out on the toilet and fell off. I still remember the blood and shit on her ass.
Dad would go in to violent rages, drunk or not, if he was ever confronted on anything. Emily liked to attack him with harsh words about how he neglects her... So of course he'd beat the shit out of her. Mom would scream at him so they'd beat each other up. I was always a daddy's girl, so he never hurt me, but I realize had I said something he could have just as easily hurt me.
The way it worked was that if Sissy was around then Dad wouldn't destroy anything or hurt anyone. I remember a time in which he waited until Sissy was asleep so he could jump up on the kitchen table and rip the ceiling fan blades off and throw them around. He would break anything in his path just to make us shut up or until Sissy came out to put him in his place. She could barely take a shower without him seizing an opportunity to go apeshit. I remember the nights I couldn't sleep because Mom and Dad would fight in there room. The shrieks I'd hear, the pleas for help and for him to stop hurting her. I remember once I rushed in there and found him raping her. I of course had to go running to Sissy about it. I always knew I was just an observer and that nothing I did could stop it. Nothing I did mattered so I was just left to my internet. Ah... The internet raised me through all of this.
The violence eventually ceased, but it was really too late to do anything about who I am. Mom tried to lecture me about what an awful person I am when I was 16 because I hate kids. Mom tried to refuse to register me for school once I turned 17 because "I wasn't going to do anything anyway." She tried to make up for all the years of neglect by attacking me for everything I do or believe in... regardless of whether or not I told her anything. I was a bad person. I was awful, but when I disappeared for no more than a day without telling her where I was going she called the cops on me. Eventually I dropped out and just... sat here. I've sat here since then hiding in my room, eating and sleeping in shifts just to avoid them. Mom is still very sick. She steals my used toothbrushes and uses them. She'll use sissy's toothbrush as well. She also wears sissy's bloodstained panties.
Goddamnit. I can't get this all out clear. My only point is... If you try to improve something, mom will destroy it. So my house is completely disgusting. One example of mom's destructive behavior is this. Just apply this to any situation and you've got my Mom.
So one summer James, Dad, and myself all decided I want a lawn. Dad had gotten some grass from a neighbor because they were re-doing their yard and he laid it out in the backyard and filled in gaps with seed. Oh... The lawn was looking great. James and I would mow it now and then after it started to really look good and strong enough to take it. The lawn, however, had weeds in it. Mom would do nothing but complain about the weeds. She would yell at me, and at Dad about the weeds and that we better do something about it. I told her that we needed to mow the lawn one more time so it would strong enough to handle some weed n feed. You can't go throwing harsh chemicals on to a young lawn. So.. Sissy and Mom would complain that we're just making excuses because we're lazy. Then one morning I woke up and mom had hired mexicans to clear it all away.
Here was my lawn that Dad was so proud of. These were the only pictures I had, lol.
Before 1
Before 2
Before 3
And here is what I woke up to.
After Destruction
After Destruction 2
And this kind of shit is why I hate my mom. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 28th, 2009|03:39 pm] |
I got my driver's license today! It only took forever, but I did it. My world has purpose these days... I'm making goals and seeing them through. I fretted alll day that I was going to fail, but I went on.
Now I have something to show for it. The next steps will be easier to take. Just.... complete things. Just do it. This is what I've been telling myself. Stop worrying and stop being so anxious all the time.
Just draw, Just complete your games, Just get a job, just something. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 26th, 2009|12:23 pm] |
So all is back to normal. All that threatened my progress in the Project122 storyline has been eliminated.
I've made monumental progress as far as that goes. Added a new character and dreamed up some awesome scenarios. I've been running Project122's newer mindset through scenario after scenario. I find it a lot more natural than the older one. I don't draw blanks on what exactly what she'd do or say nearly as much anymore, if at all.
My story has suffered quite a few retcons, but that's the price of moving forward, though sometimes I need a friendly reminder of what's a good concept or not.
It's all having a kind of strange affect on me, however, once I delved further in to this obsession of mine.
I become overly fascinated with similar characters as Project122. I can't stop watching their body language. It just makes my longing for Project122 that much worse. It's a constant and dull ache, but luckily it's something I can feed.
Lenneth from Valkyrie Profile fascinated me before, but it damn near crystallized when that psp remake came out. Those cut scenes are... amazing. Her body language gets the proper emotional response from me and it's mildly frightening. I also grew a fascination for Sir Integra from Hellsing, as watching her also felt familiar.
I always wish I could actually observe everything about Project122 herself. Mannerisms, body language, the way she perceives and then expresses within her own emotional range.
It's kind of scary to say I'm wholly in love with that woman, as she simply captivates every aspect of my personal interest. Oh well. Another loony for the bin, however, I'm confident that I'll be able to produce something which could justify these years of agonizing over her every detail.
I just hope I can do it. |
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| You might hurt yourself! Don't go outside! |
[May. 15th, 2009|12:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  groggy | ] |
You know what I think? I think the world is cluttered with too much Serious Business.
It makes me frown that so much is banned and so many people overreact to so much. I don't know about other countries, that's not my concern, but America is very hypersensitive.
It's like hanging out with a full grown adult who won't go out to eat when you invite him because he's scared there won't be anything he likes on the menu. It's just... awkward. So many people are maladjusted weirdos who take themselves way too seriously to have any fun whatsoever. It's like everyone has aspergers or something.
What happened to the good old days without all this rampant paranoia? If baby doesn't quite get what he wants then you live and learn and move on. Be happy you're outside smelling the air and with common company. Nothing is the end of the world.
Liability paranoia is by far one of the most enraging concepts. Argh. So much is lost on today and it's stiflingly boring. You can't talk to people without them being scary, or weird for talking to you.
I miss my childhood =( Even with all it's rocky parts, it was much better than today. Mom didn't get arrested for letting me play outside from dusk until dawn. She would today. A cop would have seen me alone at the park and dragged me away so fast.
Having sex with women is a liability, they'll sooner call rape on you than tell you that they love you.
If I ever had a lobotomy and had a desire for children I still wouldn't have them, because I can only imagine how much the system would come down on me. Telling my children anything would be a liability for fear they repeat what a period is at school.
The legal systems are over compensating to blanket all of us, not just to apply when someone does something bad.
I was angry when I learned they may be building a park near this hill with a great view of the city. It's a common thing for me to go to this hill, stand on the sidewalk and just look at the city. If a park was built it would then be illegal for me to enjoy the view passed 10:00PM to 6:00AM. Lucky for me, the plans for this park were aborted.
Just have fun, guys. It's not hard... But you can't tell this to the ultra sensitive PTSA moms. Shhh... |
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| I was not a clever man, but hopefully this can help anyone who finds this... |
[Mar. 11th, 2009|05:48 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | relieved | ] |
Oh good lord. So everyone remembers my psycho abusive ex boyfriend James, right?
I just heard that he's managed to get a new female and I feel horrible for her. The things that poor girl will endure will be one of the worst times of her life if she's not already been abused.
James Davis has absolutely no concept of reality, loyalty, or how to be kind or respectful to a single person, including himself.
( Cut for those squeamish about abuse and because it's a wall of text. )
So yeah. I am proud that a year later I've come from pulling my hair and being a finger twitch away from suicide to actually caring for myself, my health, my hobbies and the world around me. I'm a survivor and I'm damned thankful. I love everyone who had the patience to give me a space to crawl to in my most pathetic hours and to those who continue to be by my side.
Timmy, Kaila, Chubbo, and Casey all saved my life. Tim and Chubbo often sat through and comforted me through long, disjointed and crazy desperate rants. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2009|07:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | horny | ] |
I'm not a stalker! I'm just observant. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2008|03:05 pm] |
Hey hey! Been turning in applications. I made a facebook as well. Lol Facebook
Been mostly playin' WoW. Not much to report other than I can't wait to move out on my own. Coooooommmmee on JOBS!
Oh. And this Rejum adores a green dragon.
Meanwhile. Enjoy this.
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[Nov. 28th, 2008|10:37 am] |
Assuming the mother unit isn't completely full of it. I'm getting a cell phone tomorrow.
It will be my first cell phone evar, guyz. I finally caved in and actually wanted one. I dunno, it just struck me one day. I have absolutely no luck with communication. My computer is my absolute base of operations. I sit around and I wait for an IM in order to even start action. Sure, I can IM peoples' phones with AIM, sure I can use Timmy's phone, but then I can't be alone.
I could also return the home phone from my black hole, and never have to watch the caller ID like a hawk again.
If I turned in applications, well fuck the week's plan I get to sit around and watch the caller ID!
I'll probably go nuts and give my number to everyone and then regret it when I'm being bothered a lot, but hey. It sure beats being tethered to the computer. |
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| lolwut |
[Nov. 24th, 2008|02:59 pm] |
Hm.. I always wonder about people's icons, but most importantly, usernames.
A username is something people use to represent themselves. Generally pulling something from the recesses of their brains. Something significant, or even a passing thought. A situational name which stuck through the years. What have you.
I find myself surprised and even flattered when people actually take the time to ask what Project122 means. Then I become overwhelmed with the meaning.
Project122 is the main character of a story I one day plan to produce is the most static answer I can really provide. I get all flustered from the sudden rush of remembrance information. I just don't even know where to begin.
( What is Project122? )
BASICS BASICS. I'm not good at summarizing. Basically my story will follow Project122 through her exploits. There are so many events that occur and I can't wait to get it all out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2008|12:29 pm] |
Friendly dating advice to those who question the sanity of their lovers.
Birds of a feather flock together.
It's not very surprising to me that the man once in my life moved away with a guy who lives with his mom and raped his sister. For a 9 buck an hour job.
I'm still here guys. Alive, kickin', and generally unmolested.
What's up? |
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| This made me lol. |
[Jul. 6th, 2008|06:43 pm] |
[18:36] Project122: Funny map
[18:36] Project122: entertaining
[18:36] Project122: look for the funny part
[18:38] acidmessiah: what
[18:38] Project122: did you see?
[18:38] acidmessiah: there is a place called friendship
[18:38] Project122: THRALL TOWN!
[18:38] Project122: NO
[18:39] Project122: Thrall
[18:39] acidmessiah: oh thrall
[18:39] acidmessiah: lol
[18:39] Project122: faggot
[18:39] acidmessiah: NO U
[18:39] Project122: i'm telling you to look for an orcish warchief and you find FRIENDSHIP
[18:39] Project122: Good one, Otacon.
[18:40] acidmessiah: its just like one of my japanese animes
[18:40] Project122: Can love really bloom on the battlefield?
[18:40] acidmessiah: can bloom bloom on the bloomfield
[18:41] Project122: can bloom nigger on the bloomfield
[18:41] acidmessiah: Bloom - a visual technique used to hide bad rendering and textures |
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| Holy crap wow. |
[Jul. 6th, 2008|03:04 pm] |
I've been having very graphic and violent vivid dreams. They used to frighten me, but I've been becoming desensitized, but it seems they're working hard to still shock me.
Tonight's wasn't gory, just ultimately a gigantic clusterfuck of scary and sad. I'm not sure how the dream started, but I was in a supermarket and this clerk started flirting with me and we decided to meet up somewhere and have a date, so I decide to kill some time at Emma's.
When I get to Emma's she is awkward, strung out on drugs, and we're chillin'. Eventually James comes looking for me and comes over while she's showering or... something. Both of us are then looking about her house and find a huge meth lab, but it's not only that... She also tortured people down here, used their body parts, blood, and innards in the drugs she creates and then strung their skeletons on the walls. She comes in and starts babbling nonsense about how wonderful her drugs are while James and I are trying to think of an excuse to get out. This ends up being a waiting game until another one of her friend's comes over and we bail and he goes... to work or something and Tim picks me up.
While in heavy traffic we discover an old friend John. He went to school with us and I always thought he was highly attractive... So we went to hang out with him and he and I end up getting intimate... until he backs out of it and just hangs himself. So we bail and I come home to find a message from the original clerk I forgot to meet. I apologize profusely, but no response... I go looking for him at the place we decided to meet and he's not there.
So I go back home and find my cockatiel, Reno, with his neck snapped, but somehow still twitching. I'm crying and rushing him to the vet and he dies. In the strange politics of our dreams I surrendered out other cockatiel to the vet for testing. Then our other cockatiel, Vegas, just randomly dies as well, by now I'm bawling and trying to cope. So... I go to that supermarket to apologize to the clerk and tell him what happened. He turns out not there and I remember while walking back home I got a call from Tim that one of his cockatiels has died too. So I then called James, while sobbing, and told him about my poor birdies. I remember being so heartbroken that I never got to take them with me and how I have been looking forward to moving out with my little baby cockatiels. That's when I woke up.
It was one of those dreams that when you wake up it feels like an entire day has passed... Very unpleasant. I'm not looking forward to the next batch of horrors. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 26th, 2008|03:27 pm] |
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I'm so classy. I just took my snake in to the bathroom with me while I took a shit. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 12th, 2008|01:52 am] |
[01:46] Fluffy Miss Rejum: I just heard a click that sounded like the oh so familiar click of your dial-up modem disconnecting and it still put a subconscious shudder in me
[01:46] Fluffy Miss Rejum: my computer doesn't even have a modem
[01:47] Jesus Jones: Haahahahaha
[01:47] Jesus Jones: OH GOD
[01:47] Jesus Jones: I SOOO know what you mean.
[01:47] Jesus Jones: I've been hearing the rustling of that fucking paper clip from Office EVERYWHERE
[01:47] Fluffy Miss Rejum: rtgkljgyrth@@@
[01:47] Fluffy Miss Rejum: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[01:47] Fluffy Miss Rejum: OH GOD NO
[01:47] Fluffy Miss Rejum: I'm so sorry |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 13th, 2008|11:20 am] |
I really hate to say it, but I believe now that furries are less attention mongling and self righteous than /b/. This scientology shit has gotten way out of hand and those protests are only there for neurotic newfags who think 9/11 is an inside job and are on large amounts of medication.
Sure for the most part I agree that Scientology sucks and people need to piss them off in every way possible, but the idea was to bring to light everything Scientology has done without bringing attention to yourself. If the news articles said "Protesters" instead of "internet group, Anonymous" I'd feel a bit better about the fagging up of /b/, but 'Anonymous' really lost it's anonymity once it rallied behind the title. Hot Topic is going to be selling the content of the posters and memes now.
Great Going. |
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| I read this today and it hit close to home. |
[Oct. 17th, 2007|05:02 pm] |
It's sad when people you know become people you knew. When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. How you used to be able to talk for hours and now you can barely even look at them.
EDIT: I don't give a shit about those kinds of niggers. They're a drag. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 30th, 2007|05:03 pm] |
Well... Huge crab did bite it.
Huge crab was such a fat crab. One time James had grated coconut shavings in to the tank and Hugecrab sat over some and when ever other crabs came near him he would kick them. He kicked three crabs at once straight up kungfu style. It was the most hilarious thing I had even seen. Hugecrab was also an avid eater. He would sit over the dish or a piece of fruit he dragged away for at least an hour. I loved seeing his apple pieces after he was done with them.
I miss him and poor James does too... I guess all we can do is cope. |
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project122's journal
